The Next Generation

This is coming straight off the top of my head, so I apologize in advance for any cluttering.

That being said, let's talk about children and XBox. To start off with, I believe that children absolutely have a right to play XBox. It can develop mental capabilities, increase brain-muscular circulation, so on and so forth. There are great games out there for kids to play, Guitar Hero, sports games, anything on Kinect, the list keeps going. Modern Warfare 3 is NOT an appropriate game for children. Especially online. Even more so if they have a headset on.

This isn't a warning to parents, this is a bulletin to the children (and anyone who acts like a child, you know who you are) on XBox Live. I want to give you a few rules to follow (again, this goes for everyone) that will increase everyone's desire to play with you.

Here we go:

Having a microphone on your ear does not make it open mic night. You are not a good singer. You are definitely not a good rapper. And no, I do not want to hear Justin Bieber blaring through my headset because you think his magical singing powers will help you do better. They won't. You suck regardless.

Whining EVERY time you die. I get it. Sometimes people camp. Sometimes your Internet is slow. Most of the time though, it's because you yet again suck. A little frustration is okay. It's understandable. I do it sometimes when I'm getting stomped. I'm just saying, pump the brakes. If you get mad over a videogame that easily, you're not going to live long. Your stress levels will be through the roof for the rest of your life.

If you don't think you suck, you suck. Too many times have I heard eight year olds tell me that they're in the MLG. No. You're not. Your K/D ratio proves that. There's no need to be cocky on XBox, no one cares. 90% of us are there to have fun, not see who's scoreboard is more impressive. Get a life.

Don't quit halfway through the game. Even if you're doing horrible. I've seen enough comebacks from the opposing team to know that anybody can win at the last second. If you quit playing one match, why are you playing any matches?Wait until the game is over, then leave the lobby. Maybe if you were paying more attention to the game instead of singing out of key, you'd be doing better anyway.

Enough with the side conversations. If you're talking to your "BFF" next to you, turn off the mic. I don't care about how mean your teachers are, or how cute you think your girlfriend is. She's the same age as you, and she hasn't hit puberty yet. You're clones. If you're going to talk during a game, talk about the game. If you have no strategies to share with anyone, don't talk. If you do, feel free to share. It's a group effort. What I don't need is a good team trying to communicate a plan, and the sound of your prepubescent voice overshadowing everything.

Don't try and get in an argument with me. Trust me. I will verbally destroy you. I have no sympathy. I am a full fledged nerd, and talking trash on Call of Duty is what I do best. Don't give me a reason to start.

Don't yell into the mic. We can hear you just fine unfortunately. If we can't, we'll tell you to speak up. The last thing I need is to go deaf from a kid who's a third of my age.

Remember, playing Call of Duty is a priviledge, especially for you, since I know for a fact you're not old enough to legally play this game. Treat everyone with respect, and we'll give you the same amount. Golden rule. You should have learned that by now.

In the loading screen, when you can't see who's talking, we know it's you talking. You're the only person that has the voice box of a canary. It's pretty obvious.

If you're funny, by all means, crack a joke or two. If you're not funny, stop trying to be funny. Just stop.

Don't be a hypocrite. You can't complain about the camper who just shot your face off when I watched you camp for the last five games, and still lose the game for us. Once again, you suck.

Finally, if you're playing on hardcore, do NOT use martyrdom. I will hurt you. And do not team kill. I will hurt you even more.

Well, that's it. I know a lot of these points are somewhat repetitive in nature, and very disorganized, but you'll have to deal with it. I'm supposed to be working right now.