The Oddysey

Today, I will be resting.

Today, I will be trying to figure out all the details from last night.

But, my memory is serving me fairly well so let's see how much I can scrounge up about last night's debauchery.

(I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammar errors, I'm still drunk. At 12:56 P.M.)

Anyways, it starts like this. HORRIBLY. In terms of planning and figuring out what we were going to be doing for the night, I give it two hearty thumbs down. Wait a second, let's back up a tick. The whole purpose of last night was to celebrate my new friend Sam Guyre's 21st birthday. Turns out I drank WAY more than she did. Go figure.

And we're back to the story. So we do a bunch of last second planning, and in the midst of the chaos and confusion, I buy a bottle of UV Blue and begin to drink it straight from the bottle (shows how much of an alcoholic I am). We end up touching base in the hotel room we have set aside for us if push comes to shove. Sam starts getting ready, I start socializing with some new people and chugging said vodka.

Finally, Sam is ready.

After a bit more debate about the itinerary for the evening, we decide to drive down to a local club, Club Inferno. The place is dead. But that's alright, I'm there, so of course it's going to be amazing. It's what I do. Anyways, I make friends with a guy named Bobby (I still don't know where he is or if he ever made it back safe to...wherever), who seems like the perfect guy to buy all of Sam's drinks. Boom, just hooked Sam with a one way pass to the toilet for the rest of the night.

Drinking continues. I eventually convince Alexis to dance with me. She was right, she does suck at dancing. It's ok though, I had enough moves for the both of us.

More drinking, probably up to 6 or 7 AMF's within an hour. I am feeling good. Me and my new Asian best friend Ken Tran, along with Bobby and a few others, are having a great time looking at beautiful women and getting absolutely drunk.

We move to Graycie's, a small bar down the street. By the time we get in though, it's almost time for the joint to close. I pound two more AMF's in an attempt to get me really going. It works.

After Graycie's, we go to someone's house, and problems start popping up. Mainly, a lot of people end up leaving, and it throws a wrench in whatever crappy plans we had at that point. We discuss ideas for a tick, and decide to head to Alexis' house for an after party. Mind you, I am gone at this point. Anyways, I decide to go in the car that's going to the hotel, so I can pick up the remains of my bottle of course. That doesn't happen.

INTERMISSION

Ok, so we're driving back to the hotel, and I am blasted. I decide, even though I don't need to throw up, I'm going to force it on myself, something my buddy Zach G taught me. Well, I get out of the car and proceed to vomit up a substance similar to an anti-freeze slushie. It tasted amazing with the added bile. I do this for all of ten minutes. And since it is Utah in the heart of winter, I am freezing. Literally. So I decide to go inside to the saferoom and warm up while the rest of the crew is finishing up. Worst mistake of the night. As I go in, they go out. And then they leave without me (I'm not blaming anyone, it was just bad timing). So I walk back outside and try to figure out what the crap just happened.

Mind you, it's in the 20's outside, and I'm pacing back in forth in nothing but jeans and a hoodie. I am not ready for this arctic trek. I'm outside for what seems like half of forever, and manage to get some friends to head my way to pick me up. In the meantime, Alexis calls Lauren and tells her to open the door so I can get out of the third ice age happening outside. While I'm waiting for the door to open, I witness a drug deal, or a murder, I'm not sure. I don't even care at this point. My brain has shut down. Finally, I get in the room, and I decide to do what every person does when they're completely faded, text ex's. Bad choice, but I needed to stay awake, so I didn't care.

Eventually, my rescue party arrives. Short story shorter, we decide to go to a house party. I am a little sobered up at this point, so of course I'm down. We get to the residence, and I am ready to engage my hyperfun drives. I get reunited with Ken Tran, who is more than ready to pass out, and a couple others from earlier. Everyone seems to be more drunk than me, which I am proud of, being the alcoholic I am (Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, I'm not an alcoholic, no worries). Anyways, we start playing some card games, and continue to drink. Heavily. I throw up in the bathroom, and of course, keep playing the game. Eventually, I win like a boss with a hand that NEVER happens. Ever. Seriously. I am ready to pass out at this point. So I find Alexis, who is also a bit intoxicated, and I pass out on her shoulder for all of who knows how long.

This pretty much ends the night. We organize a ride back to Alexis' house, I arrive, I flatline until about two hours ago. I am still drunk. I am still amazing. This is my life, and it's getting higher by the minute.